The Magic Box ~

“You do know that it’s bad luck to have sex for the entire week before the wedding, don’t you?” Willow asked with a completely straight face.

Anya blanched and her eyes were huge as she stared at the redhead.

“Excuse me?”

Willow nodded soberly. “Very bad luck,” she stressed. Okay, so maybe it was bad of her to torment the former vengeance demon in this manner, but it was just too fantastic an opportunity to pass up. There wasn’t a Scooby breathing- or not, in Spike’s case- that wasn’t heartily sick of hearing about flowers and menus and seating arrangements and why they were having a free bar when the grooms family was a bunch of lush’s.

“Xander! Is this true?” Anya prodded her drowsy fiancé with a sharp and pointy finger.

Caught napping, Xander glared at Willow. You had to get her going, didn’t you? his expression said loud and clear. Willow simply graced him with her best shit-eating grin.

“No, Ahn…” His mouth snapped shut so fast he nearly bit his tongue off.

Think about this, Xander! His inner voice whispered sibilantly. A whole week with nothing to do but rest up for the honeymoon and recharge your batteries. Or to plan an escape route and check out the cost of one plane ticket to Buenos Ares…

“I’m sorry to say that Willow is right about this,” he finished with a pained smile. He felt like a total asshole for lying to the love of his life this way, but what if she wasn’t the love of his life? What if he was as miserable a failure at being a husband and prospective parent as his own father was?

Time. One week to think things over and be absolutely, positively certain that this was what he wanted. He loved Anya, but his fears had been gnawing at him for some time now and he was suddenly convinced that this time without hot, kinky sex and multiple orgasms was exactly what he needed.

Anya blinked at him owlishly. “There is no way we could go a week without sweaty, sheet-ripping sex, Xander! We’re doomed!” She whirled to face Willow.

“You have to help us, Willow,” she insisted in her most firm and no-nonsense voice. “A simple spell should do it.”

“A spell?” Xander squeaked. “Anya. Sweetie, isn’t that a bit drastic?” Not to mention dangerous!

“Oh, don’t be a baby, Xander! Willow won’t cast a spell that will make your penis rot and fall off. Although that was one of the most popular forms of vengeance during the 1600’s,” she mused with a fond smile at the memory.

“Gross, Anya! TMI much?” Willow blushed and stammered.

The former demon shrugged. “You’re a lesbian, Willow. I figured you of all people would enjoy the graphic visual of rotting penis’s. Or is it ‘peni’?”

“I’m a lesbian, yes. I am NOT some penis-bashing diesel dyke!” The Wicca huffed indignantly.

“Whatever,” Anya shrugged. “Will you do the spell?”

“Don’t I get a say-so in this?” Xander sputtered.

Anya pouted charmingly. “But Xander-bear, you know there is no way I can resist you. Especially in the morning.” She smiled flirtatiously and leaned against him, walking two of her fingers up his bicep. “You know how you love to wake up to my soft, wet mouth on your hard, throbbing…”

“OKAY, DO THE SPELL!” Xander shouted with a red face and glazed eyes.

Spike’s Crypt ~

They had been at it for hours without a break.

Buffy winced slightly as Spike rolled them over until she sat upright on his still-throbbing cock. She groaned, unable to stop the smooth undulation of her hips as she rode him. Sweat sheened her body and she shivered deliciously as he traced his name on her taut belly with his finger, unable to contain her faint giggle as he dotted the ‘i’.

“You’re in an awful good mood today, pet,” he observed in a carefully neutral voice. He folded his arms behind his head and gazed up at her, unable to mask the adoration that glowed from the depths of his blue eyes.

Buffy smirked and kneaded at the muscles of his stomach like a contented cat. She clenched her sheath around him, delighting in the vibrations that echoed through her at his rumbling growl of rapture.

“What can I say? Finally having closure on the Riley chapter of my life has made me a happy Buffy,” she stated. “And hey! Lucky you gets to reap the benefits of it. Think you can handle that?”

“Think I’ve handled it for the past three hours, yeah?” he smirked.

“Ohhhh yeahhhh,” she purred as she tossed her head back with a wicked smile and increased her pace. She was just seconds away from another brain-numbing orgasm when it happened.

Their eyes clashed and then their jaws dropped in disbelief.

This had never happened.

EVER.

“What the fuck?” Spike sputtered as a thoroughly wigged slayer climbed off of him.

“Oh my Gooooood!” Buffy wailed. “Spike, we killed it!”

Both stared at ‘Spike Jr.’, laying limp, serene and apparently unrepentant against his ‘owners’ belly.

“Pet, I swear, in a hundred years this has NEVER happened to me!”

Buffy clutched the sheet to her breasts and gnawed a thumbnail. “Maybe… Okay, over three hours of continuous sex. Y-you just need a break is all, right?”

“Buffy, I can get an instant, massive hard-on just sniffin’ your bath water, for fuck’s sake. I’m tellin’ you- somethin’ is wrong!”

Spike rolled to his feet and glared at his flaccid member. He let loose with an ear-piercing whistle. “Oy! This is no time to lay about, you slacker! Have a peek…” He turned back to face the bed where Buffy was still sprawled among the rumpled sheets. “Lookit that. Hot, wet slayer pussy that’s just beggin’ for ya. Straighten up and give ‘er a good plow, mate!”

Nothing.

Not so much as a twitch.

Buffy was stricken with a sudden burst of inspiration. She crawled eagerly over the foot of the bed.

“Come here, Spike,” she ordered.

Sinking to her knees in front of him, she gripped his drooping pecker and gave it a yearning lick. When it refused to stir, she scowled and slurped him down; working her lips and tongue feverishly in an attempt to rouse him.

Tears of frustration were welling in her eyes when she finally gave up.
The matching look of misery on the vampire’s face drew to her feet and she flung her arms around his neck with a sob.

“We’ll fix it, baby. I swear we will, even if we have to resort to magic!” she promised.

“Magic?” Spike didn’t bother to hide his panic. He and magic were, in the rather garbled language of his lover, un-mixy things.

Buffy grabbed his arms when he made a move to bolt. “Don’t freak out on me, Spike, please! We- we’ll give it a few hours and see what happens, okay? If it’s still… broken… we’ll go see Willow.”

Spike’s shoulders slumped in resignation and he plodded dejectedly back to the bed and flung himself down. “Whatever you say, luv. I just can’t believe this is happening to me. To us,” he groused, rolling onto his side and glaring at the wall.

He was shocked, but pleasantly so, when she joined him on the bed and wrapped herself around him. Cuddles from Buffy were almost unheard of, but here she was, nuzzling his neck and petting his hair tenderly.

“We’ll fix it,” she promised once more.

He felt her pressing herself against his strong back, and when she slipped her arm around his waist and wove her fingers through his, his cock didn’t swell…

But his heart certainly did.

The Magic Box ~

Willow dusted her hands together efficiently. “There you go, Xander. One limp member for seven days,” she quipped.

Pushing the witch aside, Anya inspected her future husband with narrowed eyes. “You’re sure it worked?”

“What do you want me to do, Anya? I am NOT gonna reach in his pants and cop a feel to see if it worked!” Willow sputtered.

Anya shrugged. “I will,” she said matter-of-factly and proceeded to do just that right in front of the redhead.

“Oh my goddess, Anya! That’s…that’s just…”

“Completely flaccid.” She practically glowed with satisfaction. “I’m most pleased with you, Willow. Usually your spells go completely wonky and innocents are affected, but you did this one perfectly!”

Xander simply laid his head on the table in a vain attempt to hide his embarrassment. This was the Hellmouth, for gosh sakes! Why shouldn’t floors open up and swallow you if you wanted them to?

Still stinging from Anya’s backhanded compliment on her powers, Willow began to gather her supplies. “Well, I’m heading home. Tara will wonder where I’ve gotten off to.”

All three jumped when the door to the shop burst open and slammed against the wall behind it. To their amazement, a thoroughly disheveled and riled Rupert Giles stood panting in the doorway. Behind him stood an extremely tall blonde woman with a ton of make-up and huge, obviously fake breasts.

“Willow,” he gasped, his fists knotted at his sides in an effort to control the urge to throttle her. “Did you happen to do a spell this evening?”

En Route to the Magic Box ~

Willow wasn’t at the house, so they were now on their way to the Magic Box in search of her.

Buffy slipped her hand into Spike’s and looked anxiously up at the morose face of her vampire. She knew he was in bad shape when she asked him to wait for a few minutes then follow her into the shop. He didn’t even bother with his usual smart-assed remarks about hiding their relationship from her friends.

She pulled him into the alley behind the Magic Box and stuck her hand down his pants, pressing her hand to his debilitated penis as if she were checking his temperature.

Spike snarled and shoved her hand away from his bits. “Will you bloody well stop?”


“What? I was just…” She didn’t try to hide the hurt in her eyes as she gazed imploringly up at him.

“Yeah, let’s just find Red and get some mojo goin’ to fix the bloody thing so I can service you again, your majesty.”

Buffy stared at him. “You think that’s all this is about?” she demanded incredulously.

“Well, we both know you don’t exactly come to me for my witty conversational skills, now do you?”

“Dammit, Spike--” She clamped her teeth down on her unruly tongue. He was obviously upset and lashing out, something that would be better off done later in the privacy of his crypt. “Look, I’m going to go inside and see if Willow is there. You follow me in a few minutes.”

He glared at her, bottom lip pushed out mutinously. “Fine!”

She hesitated. “Promise me you’ll follow?” He always kept his promises, this she knew for an absolute fact. She sweetened the deal with a lingering kiss, nibbling on the protruding lip.

“Bloody hell, Buffy,” he sighed in defeat. “Fine. Yes, go. Spike will follow like the good little neutered puppy he is. Go on, so we can get this over with.”

With one last warning glance, Buffy slipped through the back door. Once inside, she allowed her shoulders to slump. She couldn’t shake the heaviness of guilt that weighed her down. Spike had every reason to believe that she was only with him for one thing. And at first that was all it had been. Fabulous, mind-numbing sex that made her feel…everything.

But he was wrong, wasn’t he? A guilty flush suffused her face. She did need him for more than sex. She needed the witty conversation almost as much as she needed the quiet times when all he did was hold her and listen, or dry her tears. No one knew her- no one loved her- as well as Spike did.

So why had she never told him?

Mulling this over, Buffy turned the corner to enter the front of the shop and ran smack into a pair of boulders.

Boulders?

What the hell? She fell back, rubbing the sting of pain from her nose. Lifting her head, she followed a pair of endlessly long legs up, up, up to the offending mammaries she’d plowed into.

“Whoa! I didn’t break anything besides my nose, did I?” Buffy quipped, falling back a few wary steps. Those things were lethal!

“Who the hell are you?” she asked the extremely tall blonde staring down at her with a look of disdain.

Giles hurried forward, glasses a gnarled wreck in his hands. “Buffy! Er… yes. This is Helga, my uh…date for this evening.”

“Date?”

The watcher bristled at the disbelief in her voice. “Yes, my date. I do have a social life of sorts, you know.”

Buffy tilted her head in serious contemplation. Without warning she reached out and prodded one of the gargantuan breasts with her finger.

“Don’t those hurt?”

“Buffy!” Giles sputtered in shock.

“I am so glad you did that!” Anya exclaimed as she rushed to join them. “I’ve wanted to since they came in.” She turned to the Amazonian woman eagerly, pointy digit extended.

“I’ve been thinking about breast enhancement myself, but Xander says he likes my firm yet supple breasts just the way they are. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” she asked disarmingly.

While Anya was distracting Helga, Buffy grabbed Giles and pulled him off to the side. “I realize you have certain… needs.” She couldn’t control the shudder of revulsion that this image evoked. “But, are you sure she isn’t a demon? With boobs that big she could be hiding some serious weaponry.”

“No!” Giles shouted. He made a visible effort to control his temper. “She is not a demon, Buffy.”

Spike chose that moment to amble in from the back door. His eyes met Buffy’s and he flung himself down at the table with an apologetic smile. He then eyed the rest of the group before coming to rest on Helga.

Or rather… Helga’s cleavage.

Buffy held her breath in anticipation as she watched for some sort of reaction from the vampire. His eyes flew from Helga to his crotch and back a few times before he wilted back into a chair with an audible sniffle. Buffy wanted to cry herself when she noticed the suspicious wetness around his downcast eyes.

Something was definitely up. Well, not up. Bad choice of words there. Wrong. Wrong was a much better word choice.

She suddenly noticed an ominously quiet Xander. When Xander wasn’t making with the usual innuendos about breasts, something was very, very wrong. Scary wrong. Apocalyptically wrong.

“So, what’s the what? What’s so important that Giles had to interrupt his date?” she asked.

“Date?” Spike lifted an inquiring eyebrow.

Xander finally spoke. “Yeah, Spike. Ol’ Ripper was gettin’ his freak on with a demon.”

“Oh bloody… She’s NOT a demon!” shouted Giles.

Spike’s smile was almost serpentine. “No, she isn’t a demon. She’s a hooker.” Jaws dropped in disbelief all the way around. Helga glared at Spike for outing her.

“What? You don’t believe me? Vampire, people! I can smell twenty blokes on her as we speak.” He wrinkled his nose dramatically. “Smells like a bleedin’ cathouse in here.”

Giles turned to Helga. “You’re a hooker?”

“Oh, don’t bust a vein, Rupes,” Spike drawled. “Lord knows you need to do something for relief after hanging with this lot all day.”

More shades of red than the color spectrum allowed suffused the watcher’s quivering face. He did have to concede the vampire’s point, though. His slayer and her friends seemed determined to send him to an early grave.

“Well, I don’t care if Helga is a hooker. I love her breasts,” Anya declared.

“Especially that one,” Giles muttered as he covered his face and sank down into a chair beside Spike.

“Xander,” she continued. Her hands suddenly found the hem of her top and she whipped it over her head, baring her ‘firm, yet supple’ breasts for all to see. “Don’t you think we could reconsider the breast augmentation, please?”

Not to be outdone, Helga pulled what there was to the top of her dress down and unleashed her fleshy torpedo’s.

Xander whimpered. Spike stifled something suspiciously like a sob. Giles started slamming his head repeatedly into the table top.

Anya and Helga were pushing and prodding at their breasts in search of the best angle.

“Buffy,” the ex-demon called. “Come compare with us!”

“NO!” all three men screamed out.

“Hey!” Buffy exclaimed with a hurt look. “I have nice boobies!”

Giles wasn’t sure he would recover from seeing his slayer’s bosoms. She was like a daughter to him, for God’s sakes!

Spike wasn’t sure if he’d left any bite marks on Buffy’s pert, succulent mounds. One look at those and their secret would be out.

Xander wanted to cry. A possible eyeful of the object of his secret lust and he couldn’t even go home and spank his monkey afterwards?

“I am NOT comparing my tits to a-a hookers!” Buffy spat.

Helga smirked as she eyed the slayer’s goodies. “You are afraid you von’t measure up, ja?” she taunted.

“Measure up? You vapid, skanky ho!” Buffy marched over, her fingers busily undoing buttons.

“Buffy!” Willow screeched as she covered her eyes. “I can’t believe you’re doing this!”

“Can it, Will. No two-bit, diseased whore is gonna call me a chicken!” With that said, the slayer jerked off her blouse and the lacy bra beneath it. “So there!”

Spike leaned over to Xander. “Harris, be a good lad and hand me that stake?”

“Ritualistic suicide, buddy?” Xander queried.

“Damn right. This is fuckin’ torture far worse than even Angelus could have dreamed up.”

“Feelin’ your pain, Spike ol’ boy. Feelin’ your pain.”

Anya grabbed the other two by the arm and led them to stand directly in front of the men. “Now, you gentlemen can tell us which is best!” she chirped with a bright smile.

Spike and Xander just stared with huge, shining eyes while Giles sobbed quietly into his handkerchief. Reaching into his pocket, Spike pulled out his fags and offered one to each of the other men. Soon he and Giles were puffing away while Xander choked and hacked his way through his first draw.

“Always thought more ‘n a mouthful was a waste,” Spike commented consideringly as his eyes flitted from Buffy to Helga.

“But, oh! What a waste!” Xander wheezed with a goofy smile.

“I feel a violent urge to throw up,” Giles whimpered, hiding his face once more.

Buffy seethed in impotent anger as Spike got up and approached the hooker. Before his reaching hands could connect, she grabbed him by his duster and knocked him back into his seat with a well-aimed punch to the nose.

“Ow! Bloody hell, that hurt, Slayer!”

While Xander was distracted with ‘Boobs on Parade’ and Giles searched for a clean hanky, Buffy snatched a handful of black tee and hauled the vampire up until his face as buried between her quivering breasts.

“Touch any others besides these and I’ll shove a stake up your asshole!” she snarled.

Spike cringed. “Now, Buffy. Sweetheart, come on. You know I love your sweet, perky titties best of all.” He yearned to give each pouty pink nipple a lick just to prove it.

“Now, be a good girl, pet. Put your top back on before Rupes gets an itch,” he begged.

Giles gave a soggy giggle. “You don’t understand, Spike. Despite the fact that getting an ‘itch’ for my slayer is obscenely wrong, Willow and her bloody hit and miss magic saw to that. No ‘itches’ for me. Otherwise, I would be happily ears deep in the mountains of Helga right this minute.”

Anya clapped her hands. “Ooh! Go you with the foreplay, Rupert! Xander would be deeply buried in my succulent…”

“Anya!” screamed Xander and Willow together, both looking equal parts guilty and horrified.

“But, it’s true! If Willow hadn’t done her spell, we would be going at it like…”

“Bunnies?” Willow offered snidely, just to hear Anya scream.

In the midst of the confusion generated by Anya’s irrational fear of rabbits, Buffy felt Spike tense under her restraining hand. A savage growl erupted and he lunged at Willow, his hands hooked into claws as he chased after her.

“A spell?” he roared. “You did another soddin’ spell?”

Willow shrieked and ran behind Anya and Helga while Spike howled and grabbed his head, his chip finally registering his obvious intent to maul the witch. Groaning in pain, he allowed Buffy to guide him back to his seat.

“Why is fang-boy so pissed?” Xander asked. “Did his ‘willy’ go ‘wonka’ too?”

Holding a snarling Spike down in his chair, the slayer leveled a glare at her cowering friend. “Explanations would be good right about now, Wills,” she suggested with steel in her voice.

Willow crept from behind her human shields, wringing her hands nervously as she darted cautious glances at the still fuming vampire.

“It-it started out as a joke. I was teasing Anya about having to go without sex for seven days before the wedding, a-and since she knew there was no way that she and Xander could go that long—”

“She asked that you do a spell on Xander to er…emasculate him,” Giles finished.

She nodded eagerly, “Yeah. And so I did, but I guess things went a little…uh wrong and it e-emasculated you too, Giles,” her voice trailed off in embarrassment.

Still cradling his throbbing head, Spike raised a hand and flapped it listlessly. “And me.”

Giles and Xander turned to him, their eyes narrowed with suspicion as they divided their stares between the sullen vampire and the blushing slayer that stood behind his chair.

“And you know this…how, Evil Undead?” Xander snapped.

“Because I walk around with a permanent stiffy when I think about you,” Spike said sarcastically. “I was in the middle of delicate things, you git!”


“Huh?”

“I was havin’ a wank, you great, flopping moron! You wanna come by and watch sometime?”

Buffy tried to hide her snort of laughter at Xander’s horrified expression but failed miserably.

“A-are we sure it was my spell that affected all three of you? I mean…Giles is old, a-and Spike is way old…” Willow’s voice faded weakly. She withered under the murderous glares of both Spike and Giles as she slunk towards her chair. “I’ll just hide over here.”

Helga had looked bored up to this point, but now her eyes were alight with interest.

“Vell, dere is only vun vay to know for sure,” she burbled. “Off vit zee trousairz!”

Before he knew it, Giles was hauled to his feet and his tweeds were sagging around his ankles. Everyone but an intrigued looking Anya screamed and hid their eyes.

“Bloody Hell! ‘M blind!” Spike wailed, lurching to his feet with a hand over his eyes to protect them. “Slayer, be a love and guide me to the fastest way out of this nuthouse,” he begged.

Instead, he got an over-enthusiastic Helga jerking his jeans open and pushing them down.

“Hey! Hands off, you Teutonic tramp!” Buffy screeched with a stomp of her foot.

Not to be outdone by her new-found friend from the gutter, Anya made short work of Xander’s baggy khaki’s in spite of his protesting screams and ineffectual slaps.

Giles and Xander cowered with their hands over their bared equipment, eyes cast down and cheeks aflame. Spike just stood there and smirked as he noticed the slayer’s covetous stare.

“My humiliation is complete,” Giles stated calmly as Anya bent down for a better look.

“Oh, you have nothing to be ashamed of, Rupert.” Anya dared to give him an encouraging pat. “You have a very nicely shaped penis. I’m sure you can reach all sorts of interesting places with that little crook at the end.”

Undaunted by the outrage that swirled around her, she strode eagerly past Xander with a dismissive flap of her hand. “I see yours every day,” she commented carelessly. She came to a stop in front of Spike and suddenly fell back, her hand clutched to her throat.

“Oh dear God,” she gasped. “That’s…not natural.”

Willow snuck a peek and covered her face with a shrill ‘eep!’.

Anya made sure Giles and Xander were occupied with Helga before she turned to Buffy, one eyebrow arched delicately. “You’re a very brave girl,” she praised quietly.

“Not brave, just smart,” Buffy assured her with a sly wink.

“I’ll just bet that fills you up in all the right places,” Anya whispered with a giggle.

“And then some,” she replied with a blissful sigh.

Spike preened under their whispered comments, then gave a garbled squawk as Helga helped herself to a handful, stroking and stretching.

“Ooh! So smooth!” she cooed.

“Slayer!”

“Oh, now I’ve had enough!” Grabbing a handful of the hooker’s bleached locks, Buffy flung her back over to Giles. “Keep your hands on your john, blondie! This one is off limits, smooth or not.”

With quick, jerky movements she had Spike’s jeans up and fastened. Snatching up her blouse, she yanked it back on. “Play time is over. Willow, reversal spell. Now,” she snapped.

“B-but Buffy, I can’t,” Willow quavered. “I wanted to make sure Anya didn’t reverse it before the wedding in desperation, so I bound the spell.”

“You what?” Buffy wailed in disbelief. “You mean…”

Willow nodded miserably. “The spell won’t dissolve until after Xander and Anya say ‘I do’.”

Seven Days Later ~

The stage was set.

Flowers and candles bedecked every available surface and the appropriate soft music played in the background. The bride was ready and waiting in her dressing room, all of the bridesmaids but Buffy flocked around her giddy figure.

The sound of yelling and ominous crashing noises could be heard from the groom’s dressing room. Buffy smiled nervously at several curious onlookers and eased her way over to the door, opening it just enough to quickly slip inside.

Xander lay on the floor, his tux a wrinkled mess, with Giles sitting stolidly on his back, one knee pressed painfully into the younger man’s kidneys.

“But I’ve changed my mind,” he whined, flopping like a freshly caught trout as he tried to unseat the determined watcher.

“Don’t bloody think so, whelp!” Spike sat in the only chair in the small room, cradling his throbbing head. Xander had tried to escape through the ventilation system and getting him out had caused the chip to go off like a bug zapper.

“I’m beginning to think those chains might not have been a bad idea, Spike.” Puffing like a winded horse, Giles grabbed Xander’s flailing arms and pinned them behind his back.

Xander increased his struggles. “You can’t make me say ‘I do’!” he shouted. “Did I wake up in Tennessee this morning? All that’s missing is the shotgun here!”

Giles glanced hopefully at Spike, who grimaced in frustration.

“All my weapons are back at the crypt, mate.”

“And it never occurred to you that they might come in handy?” snapped Giles.

Spike snorted derisively. “Use your head, watcher. We put a bullet in him and we’ll never get our rocks back! ‘Sides, you know as well as I do that the Slayer won’t let us plug him full of lead.”

Xander caught a flash of blonde and radioactive green over by the door. “Oh, thank God. They’re mad, Buffy! Totally insane! Tell them I don’t have to go through with this,” he begged.

Buffy winced guiltily as her friend continued to buck and thrash under the determined watcher. Her eyes automatically sought out the vampire and a slight smile curved her lips as he shot her his patented smirk.

She sighed yearningly. The past week had been hard on everyone, but in a way it had been a blessing. Spike had generously offered to ‘take care’ of her even though he himself would gain no pleasure, but Buffy vehemently refused. It just seemed too cruel to both literally and figuratively rub it in his face, much as she wanted to give in.

So, each evening after patrol, she and Spike did something couple-y to take the place of the mind-blowing sex that had previously taken up all their time

A picnic under the stars, curling up together in Spike’s bed while he read her poetry in a voice that lost its rough edge and became as cultured as Giles’, sharing ice cream in her kitchen while the others slept.

Without the distraction of sex, Buffy had realized just how important Spike was to her. How necessary he was to her life. She fully intended on confessing to one and all about her and Spike, but she wanted to wait until after Xander and Anya were safely married first. That would be the second thing she would do.

The first thing would be riding her vampire into the ground until his eyes bugged out.

Knowing Spike’s thoughts mirrored her own, Buffy tried to hide the flush on her cheeks as she knelt beside Xander.

“Xander, this is your fault, you know,” she chided softly. “All you had to do was tell Anya that Willow was pulling her leg and none of this would have happened.” Her voice hardened as she bonked him on the head with one small fist. “So, get over yourself and stand up and be a man, Xander Harris!”

He yelped, seeing stars from her sharp rap on his head. “But I don’t wanna get married!” he blubbered. “It sucks the life out of you!”

Spike made a grab for the irate slayer before she could do serious damage while Giles stood up and hauled the sobbing man to his feet.

“Let me try again, Buffy,” he said calmly.

Parking Xander in the vacated chair, Giles took a firm grip on his shoulders. Suddenly he was shaking Xander so hard his head flopped helplessly back and forth.

“Listen to me, you great, whiney git!” he snarled viciously. “Did it never occur to you that if you don’t go through with this wedding that not only Spike and I but YOU will never ever be able to have sex again?”

By the time he finished, Giles was nearly screaming. Visions of wallowing face first in Helga’s creamy mounds swirled in his head and he had to bite back a moan of regret.

Buffy and Spike looked at each other nervously and started easing their way towards the door. Giles had the face of a man dancing on the edge.

Apparently Xander hadn’t considered all of the ramifications of Willow’s spell. A look of understanding and horror dawned on his face.

“Oh my God,” he gulped. “Anya. She did this on purpose so I wouldn’t back out, didn’t she?”

Spike snorted and lit up a smoke. “Right smart bird your demon girl is,” he scoffed. “Sure pulled the wool over your eyes. Not that it’s such a hard thing to do.”

“So I have to do this or my- OUR- willy’s will never work again?”

Answering nods all around brought a slump to the groom’s shoulders. He drew himself up as if preparing to face a firing squad, straightening the wrinkled mess of his tux and running his shaking hands through his hair.

When one last look at their implacable faces brought no sympathy for his plight, he sighed in defeat.

“Let’s do it.”

After the Ceremony ~

“Ladies and gentleman, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Harris!” the minister declared with a flourish.

Anya leapt into Xander’s arms, smooshing her lips passionately to his and earning an indignant squawk from her erstwhile groom. Audible sighs of relief could be heard whooshing through the wedding party.

From his seat on the groom’s side, Giles held his breath as Helga’s remarkably strong, almost manly shaped hand crept up his thigh. A blissful smile that rivaled that of the bride split his face as his rapidly hardening member tented his trousers. With a lustful wink, Helga grabbed him by the necktie and dragged him from the room.

Buffy fluttered her eyelashes at Spike and snaked her pink tongue out to wet her already shiny lips.

Spike leered at Buffy, curling his tongue up behind his front teeth and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he tilted his head towards the hallway.

While everyone was distracted with the happily wedded couple, the slayer and the vampire made a break for it. They scurried down the hall, Spike’s hands already busy groping at the zipper on the back of her hideous green dress.

“In here!” Buffy hissed, grabbing desperately at the knob of the janitor’s closet only to find it locked. An unearthly moaning sound floated through the door.

“Oooh! Ja! Ja! Ravage me, you stallion!”

“Arrgh! Bloody hell!”

Buffy turned as green as her dress. “Did she just call Giles a stallion?”

“Yup. Him and the hooker beat us to the best hidey-hole, luv.”

“Oh God!” Buffy’s horrified gasp was drowned out by the muffled shrieks and scuffling behind the door. Giles’ impassioned curses could be clearly heard within.

“I’m scarred for life!” Buffy muttered as she latched onto Spike’s arm and dragged him further down the hall to the next door. It was a powder room and blessedly empty. Before she could blink, Spike had pounced. Buffy found herself whirled around and shoved up against the door, her lacey thong torn from her body.

She reached down eagerly and found that he had already loosened his trousers. His pulsing cock fell into her waiting hands, hard and heavy and more than ready for her.

“Thank God, it worked!” she moaned, hopping up to wrap her legs around his hips and guiding him to her dripping entrance.

Spike filled her with one stroke, a loud snarl of immense satisfaction rumbling from his throat. “Ahh, fuck yeah!”

They kissed, teeth clashing and tongues twining as they moaned into each others mouths. Their coupling was wild and feral. He pounded into her, completely without restraint as she grunted and arched into each thrust, her nails cutting into leather as she clutched him to her.

It had been seven days too long and they both knew this first time wouldn’t last much longer.

“Spike,” she gasped. “Please… I need it…”

He knew what she wanted, what she craved. Pawing at the loosened bodice of her gown, Spike let his demon come out. His golden eyes glowed with lust as he eyed the succulent white mounds that were bared to him and moved in.

“No, not there. Here…” and she bared the unscarred left side of her neck to him beseechingly.

Never before had she allowed him to bite her where others might see, always restricting him to her breasts or thighs. This was her way of proving to him that she was willing to tell the world and her annoying friends their secret. Spike’s unbeating heart swelled with love for her as he buried his face and suckled hard before he bit down.

Buffy howled his name and thrashed against him as she came, clenching her muscles around him. Spike swore and sputtered, his body jerking with spasms of pure rapture as her blood filled his mouth.

Desperate for something to hold on to against the maelstrom of pleasure, Buffy’s hand caught on the door’s handle. It twisted in her grip and the door swung open, spilling them in a disheveled heap on the floor of the hallway.

Where the entire wedding party stood with sagging jaws and incredulous eyes.

The Reception ~

“You people have the worst bloody timing!” Spike climbed off of Buffy and gave her a hand up; turning her around to zip up her wreck of a dress before making any attempt to right his own clothing.

Xander gawked at the long, thick column of vampire meat waving proudly in the breeze, feeling hopelessly inadequate in the face of such epic proportions. He gasped in horror as he felt a pronounced stirring in his crotch that had nothing to do with his beautiful new wife.

“Buffy?” he squawked, desperate to divert any attention from his rapidly tenting trousers. Of course he was relieved to know the spell had lost its power when he said ‘I do’, but… for SPIKE?

“And Spike!” Anya purred with an envious smile. She sashayed forward and thrust her bouquet into Buffy’s hands with a not-so-subtle wink and a theatrically whispered, “very, VERY lucky girl!”

Unable to resist one little peek at Spike’s manly bits, Willow squeaked and buried her face in Tara’s ample bosom. Tara merely smiled at the strutting vamp and stroked her flustered girlfriend’s hair soothingly.

Spike smirked and made a great show of tucking the beast back for the ladies present. Not even Buffy’s stinging smack upside his head for his insolence could ruin his mood. The big bad was back and he was chuffed to bits.

Xander was still having a problem reconciling what had fallen both literally and figuratively at their feet.

“You…” He pointed a trembling finger at Buffy. “And him…” Now pointing at Spike. “Were…” His face turned a hideous shade of green and he swallowed convulsively. “Doing the horizontal mambo?”

He expected denial; some wildly unbelievable tale that he would eagerly swallow. Anything but what his eyes knew to be the truth. Anything but the slayer throwing back her shoulders, thrusting her small breasts out in a way that completely charmed the vampire hovering at her side.

“Yes, Xander, and it’s been going on for a while. Now you all know why I was just as upset as Spike when Willow did that spell.” She took Spike’s hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze as she held his gaze. “I love him, and I know he love’s me, and we’re going to be together no matter what anyone thinks.”

His suspiciously bright, blue eyes and ecstatic smile was all the proof she needed to know what her admission of love meant to him. Buffy couldn’t help but lean up and press a lingering kiss on that smiling mouth.

“Love you, Buffy. So, so much.” His impassioned whisper was crushed between their mouths in a rough kiss before he caught her up in a tight hug and twirled her in dizzying circles.

“So that’s why you went all homicidal on Helga when she was groping Spike,” Willow exclaimed. A fierce frown replaced the dawning understanding on her face. “And you couldn’t tell me, your best friend?”

Spike snorted as he reluctantly peeled his slayer off him. “Oh lay off the guilt trip, Red. Do you tell her every little detail about what goes on between you and Glinda?” He smirked at her flaming face. “Didn’t think so. Not that it wouldn’t be… very enlightening.”

He turned to an indignantly sputtering Xander. “And before you start in on her with that ‘evil, undead demons with no souls’ bullshit, you might want to take a long, hard look at yourself, Mr. Demon Magnet.”

Xander nearly severed his tongue when he snapped his mouth shut over the poisonous vitriol he’d been about to spew. He had a choice- denounce Buffy and her predilection for bumping uglies with demons of the fangy sort- or take heed of the evil glint in the eyes of his new, formerly demonic bride before he was forced to spend his wedding night with only his hand and a bottle of lotion for company.

Not nearly as hard a decision as he might have thought. Seven days of being unable to bury himself in Anya’s sweet little honey-box was seven days too long. Pissing her off now would only lead to more misery for him, and from the satisfied curl of Spike’s lips as he stared him down, he knew it too. As much as it galled him to say it, the words spilled out in a rush.

“Well you crazy kids deserve a little happiness!” he said with a toothy smile that reeked of insincerity. He was sure the vamp would call him on it, but all he got was the merest flick of a scarred eyebrow before he turned to Buffy and slid a proprietary arm around her waist.

“See, luv? Told you your friends would be okay with it, didn’t I? All that worry and fussin’ for nothing.”

Buffy’s eyes flickered uncertainly between her two closest friends. “You’re sure you’re okay with it, Xan? Willow?” she asked, her voice small and hesitant, fully expecting their calm facades to shatter in the face of her confession. Not that it would change her mind about Spike, but less conflict in her circle of friends made for a happier slayer.

Willow just smiled and nodded her head vigorously. Who was she to cast aspersions on Buffy’s love life; she with the werewolf and a fellow witch under her belt?

It was glaringly obvious that Xander was longing to vent his spleen, but the sharp, pointed elbow to the ribs from his wife changed his mind for the last time.

“I’m sure, Buff. And,” He gave her a crooked smile. “Thanks for your part in the ‘pep-talk’ earlier.”

Her smile bloomed to incandescent proportions, stunning those that loved her with its brilliance and sincerity. Willow and Xander were struck speechless with the sudden realization that it had been years since she had smiled in such a way. Since the night of her seventeenth birthday, in fact.

Both raised suddenly grateful eyes to the one they were now certain was responsible for reigniting the spark in their friend’s eyes. No words were exchanged, but by the faintest of nods the vampire accepted their silent offer of truce for the sake of the tiny blonde warrior at his side.

Xander rubbed his hands together happily. “So, who’s ready for some wedding cake? I know I am!”

“Yes, please. Let’s hurry on to the exchange of cake and champagne. I’m past ready for my post-nuptial orgasms, Xander!”

Watching his decidedly non-blushing bride flounce her way down the hall, Xander could only shake his head.

Spike sidled up to him with a cocky grin and a slap on the back. “Look at it this way, mate. You’ll never, ever be bored.”

“Nope, bleach boy, no danger of that,” he agreed.

Willow dithered in front of the janitor’s closet. A vigorous thumping could still be heard through the thick wooden panels. “Shouldn’t we, uh… rescue Giles in time for some cake?” she queried nervously.

“Why don’t you let me and the slayer see to this, Red? You and Glinda go ahead.” He waved them past with a cheerful smile that sent shivers down their spines. “Mind you save us some cake before Harris inhales all of it.”

The Wicca lovebirds fluttered off after the bridal pair, casting wary glances over their shoulders. Once they disappeared around the corner, Spike turned to the slayer with a predatory smirk.

“Spike.” The look in his eyes had her inching backwards.

“Yes, my love?” he said, stalking slowly towards her as she pressed herself up against the wall.

“What are you…doing?” She gasped as his mouth zeroed in on the sensitive hollow below her ear, sucking and nipping lightly at the soft flesh.

“Need to hear it again, just for me. Please, Buffy?” His pleading voice rumbled pleasurably against her throat as he sought out his bite and tended it with long, slow laps of his cool tongue.

Buffy sank her fingers into his hair and tugged until he raised his head. Staring into his tumultuous blue eyes, she gave him what he needed.

“I love you, Spike.”

The kiss she initiated quickly lost it’s sweetness in the face of raw, carnal passion.

“Been too bloody long, luv. Gotta have you again,” he snarled as he grabbed both hands full of her luscious ass and ground his erection into her lustily.

“B-but what about Giles? I still need to tell him about us… and then there’s the reception…OH!” Buffy squeaked as his hard cock made a direct hit, prodding at her throbbing clit even through the layers of her dress.

“Sod the watcher. Leave him be, pet. God knows he deserves his bit of fun, even if it is with a manly Amazon chit whose accent is as fake as her tits.” Spike smothered her giggles with his mouth as he urged her backwards into the handy powder room, nimble fingers unzipping her dress once more.

Buffy forgot about Giles and threw herself joyfully into her lover’s arms, wrapping her arms and legs around him as she dragged him to the floor. The door slammed shut with a bang that couldn’t quite drown out the vampire’s chuckle.

“Mind you lock the door this time, luv.”

The Challenge

Name: Warprince9
Challenge: 158
First take your copy of "As You Were" and throw it out the window into a busy street. The countdown to Xander and Anya's wedding is now at around one week and the Spuffy sexcapades are still in full swing. Anya hears its bad luck for the bride and groom to sleep together in the week before the wedding. So what does she do? Has a spell cast so Xander can't be involved in any form of sex until after the wedding. Well, you know how it is with Scoobies and spells, and now SPIKE can't have sex until Xander and Anya have said "I do". How will our favorite couple deal with the growing frustration with now form of release? And what revelations will this "break" cause Buffy to reach?
Must haves:
1. Buffy and Spike being very upset over this.
2. Buffy, Spike, or both convincing Xander to go through with the wedding, without revealing their own selfish motives.
3. The moment the spell ends the two go to the first private place available (bedroom, bathroom, broom closet, anything) to let out the week's worth of tension.
4. One to three hours later, a Scooby search party finds them in a very compromising position, and that being how the Scoobies learn about them (No revelations before then).
Can have:
1. Major bonus points for comedy. Lots of laughs and funny situations.